Everytime I attempt to move on, it seems like everything goes back to zero. You wish to forget everything, but there will always be this ‘someone’ who’ll give you a flashback of the past - the past that you never want to reminisce.. again. What’s really wrong? Can’t you, guys, just allow me to sweep these shits off my life? I’m tired - literally tired. Tired of being an option; tired of giving all surprises; tired of hoping.. hoping for nothing, I guess.
Perhaps, one of the biggest decisions I’ve made that really changed my perspective in life, is when I tried to join ADU and even pursued the decision to continue and participate within it. ADU, for the past 5-6 months, became a family to me. Because of this family, I was able to adjust and cope right away with how college must be lived. People from the union taught me how to perfectly manage my time for academics, social life, and even a time spared for myself. They taught me the secrets on how to enjoy college; they told me how to deal well with new people in order for me not to be seen as someone that’s horrifically different; they gave advices which I think I really need for me to surpass challenges easily; and yes, they allowed me to be noticed in the union, which I think was really something I needed to make myself feel important, too.
From the first 2-3 months of togetherness, I really never liked the company. I rarely attend trainings and even participate in decision making stuff of the union officers until 28th MPDC came into the framework. I got to know them better and I was able to discern how lucky I am to be part of the organization - of the family. So I guess, what I heard from Ruby Calletor was true when she told me that before I learn to love debate, I need to learn to love the people within the union. Now, as I try to look back, I could hardly imagine how my life is without their guidance. I usually share secrets with them and I feel them trustworthy. I tell them my problems, they return me advices. I share happiness with them, they give me a ‘home’. They’re more than an organization to me! Every training I had with them made me hope for a better debating skills on the next. Even though I really suck with my speeches on debate rounds, they never told me I do, instead, they give me hopes - hopes that would someday be turned into reality, I know.
I’ve firstly thought of the union as people who will mould me to become a better debater in the long run, but it was a totally different pilgrimage I’ve had till today; it was more than what I expected from them and I wish to continue this way of living with my second family and home - the Ateneo Debate Union.
Hindi na ako maghahabol sa taong di naman ako pinahahalagahan. Pipigilan ko nang magmahal ng taong alam kong di ako mamahalin tulad ng pagmamahal na binibigay ko. Pagod na ako. 2013 is a year full of lessons.. and I’m learning on it.